Beyond Words: Somatic Tools for Grief and Trauma (Especially When Talking Is Hard)
- moriahthemedium
- Feb 1
- 3 min read
Dear precious hearts,
Some grief lives in the body.
It lives in the chest that feels tight.
It lives in the throat that cannot speak.
It lives in the stomach that turns.
It lives in the shoulders that will not drop.
And when grief is living in the body, talking about it can feel impossible.
If you have ever thought, “I can’t explain it, I just feel it,” I want you to know you are not broken.
You are human, and your body may be doing exactly what bodies do after loss and trauma.
This is where somatic tools for grief can help.
Somatic tools are body-based supports that help your nervous system find a little more safety, a little more breath, and a little more room to feel without drowning.
A Gentle Reminder
These tools are not about forcing yourself to “get over it.”
They are about helping your body carry what your heart is carrying.
Go slowly, and if any tool increases distress, stop and choose something softer.
Why Talking Can Feel Hard
Grief and trauma can activate survival responses:
Fight: irritability, anger, restlessness
Flight: busy, avoiding, overworking
Freeze: numb, shut down, stuck
Fawn: people-pleasing, overexplaining
When your system is in survival, words can disappear.
That is not weakness. That is biology.
Somatic Tools for Grief You Can Try (Gentle and Practical)
1. Orienting: Remind the Body You Are Here, Now
Look around the room slowly.
Let your eyes land on 5 things.
Name them quietly: “chair,” “window,” “lamp,” “blue blanket,” “picture frame.”
Notice one thing that feels neutral or pleasant.
This helps your nervous system update: “I am safe enough in this moment.”
2. Longer Exhale Breathing (Without Forcing)
Inhale gently for 3 counts.
Exhale slowly for 6 counts.
If counting makes you tense, just make the exhale a little longer than the inhale.
A longer exhale signals the body to soften.
3. Hand on Heart, Hand on Belly
Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly.
Feel the warmth of your hands.
Say quietly:
“I am here.”
“This is hard.”
“I can breathe.”
This is not about positive thinking.
It's about presence.
4. Butterfly Hug (Self-Havening)
Cross your arms over your chest.
Rest your hands on your upper arms.
Tap left, right, left, right—slowly, like a steady rhythm.
Do this for 30–60 seconds.
This can be deeply regulating, especially when you feel anxious or overwhelmed.
5. Grounding Through the Feet
Press your feet into the floor.
Notice the contact and pressure.
Imagine the floor holding you.
If you want, push your feet down for 5 seconds, then release. Repeat 3 times.
This helps the body feel supported.
6. Gentle Movement to Discharge Intensity
Grief energy can get stuck. Try one small movement:
Shake out your hands for 20 seconds.
Roll your shoulders slowly.
Stretch your neck gently.
Take a slow walk around the room.
Movement tells the body: “I can move through this.”
7. Temperature Change (A Fast Reset)
If you feel panicky or flooded, try:
Holding something cold (ice cube, cold can)
Splashing cool water on your face
Holding a warm mug
Temperature can help your nervous system shift states.
8. Containment: Give Grief a Safe Container
If you feel like grief is taking over your whole day, try containment.
Close your eyes and imagine a strong container—a box, a jar, a safe.
Place the intensity there for now. Not forever. Just for this moment.
Say: “I will come back to you later. Right now I need to function.”
This is not avoidance.
It's pacing.
When to Reach for Extra Support
If you are experiencing panic, dissociation, intrusive memories, or you feel unsafe, please reach for professional support.
Grief is heavy, and you do not have to carry it alone.
A Final Word for Your Heart
If talking is hard, let your body speak.
Let your breath be your language.
Let your hands be comfort.
Let your feet find the ground.
You are not failing.
You are healing in the way your nervous system knows how.
Warmly, Moriah
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